I think my innate desire to diagnose and help those around me comes from my inability to do that for myself. Subconsciously I try to fix other peoples problems to help me ignore my own.

I have never really 100% believed in altruism because of this. Even people who act selfless and are willing to give their own lives for someone else can never really be said to be acting in anything else but their own best interest. There is a thing inside some people who can’t sit by and not help. It makes them physically ill to feel useless or to feel like they didn’t act when they could have. By putting others before themselves and giving without getting anything in return is really their way of quelling this desire.

So, in reality, they are getting something in return: piece of mind. Whether you give $1 to a homeless person or drive an hour at 3am to pick up a friend in need, you don’t do anything without getting something back, even if its just the ability to feel good about yourself and who you are. I read an piece after 9/11 about people who drove from around the country to volunteer for the Red Cross and anyone else needing help. The piece was in a psychology book asking if it went against evolution for people to act in anything other than their best interest to survive.

And knowing what I know and feeling what I feel, I don’t think we could ever short out our genetic wiring to go against millions of years of evolution to do anything but be self-interested. It’s just a matter of how you look at it. I am just as selfish for picking up the tab as you for hoping someone else does. We are both looking to gain something, it just costs us different things.

This is the reason people become teachers for $30k a year. This is why doctors who could make 10 times as much in private practice work for free in 3rd world countries for a bowl of rice and a place to stay. This is why I can’t sit by and watch people in need of someone to talk to or someone to say it will be ok.

For every 3 bullshitters and fakes there is someone who has this bug inside them. The only thing I could ever ask is that you know I am sincere and helping because I get something out making other people feel better. That is my only ulterior motive.